Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
