The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
