I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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