On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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