Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
