Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
