She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
