Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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