the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
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