I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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