Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
