Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
