her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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