You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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