It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
