butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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