Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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