Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
