Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
