things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
