just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
