I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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