So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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