dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
