I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
