I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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