He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
