your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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