do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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