My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
