im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
