o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
