Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
