Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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