I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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