So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
