They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was like eating out sand paper
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
