How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
