Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
