So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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