UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
