no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
