If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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