Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
