i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize