It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
