So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
