someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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