well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
