I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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