people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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