Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He did a backflip because drugs
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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