Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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