Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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