Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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