Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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