Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
