I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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