I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
