so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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