Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
