You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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