Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You smell like stripper and shame
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
