i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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