Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
