How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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