trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
