we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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