I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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