i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
