About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize