I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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